Lessons from Lucy

The Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy has been one of my favorite books since I read it in grad school.  The book details the author's ordeal with cancer of the jaw.  She discusses how the cancer caused disfigurement of her face, thereby changing her identity. The main theme of self-awareness is present throughout the memoir.  I have the book, but haven't read it in a while, but lately I've been thinking about it alot.  I think it became my favorite book because I had to read it for my Memoir class (which is still my all-time favorite college class) and for the assignment I had to write a letter to the author after I read it. I still have that letter where I discussed how, even though it was an entirely different situation relating to identity, I could relate to her because I had battled issues of self-perception during junior high.  When our professor had us share our letters during the class discussion, I didn't want to.  The girl who went before me had written some academic masterpiece flooded with thought-provoking discussion questions. My letter was nothing like that, I wrote as if I was having a conversation with a friend.  My professor had already read my letter and kept prodding me to read it, but I instead highlighted some of the key points in my letter about how the author's situation was relatable to many because we all struggle with some sort of identity issue at some point.  My professor was disappointed.  He wanted me to tell the dark secrets in my letter that made me seem less like an over-achieving student and more like someone with a past.  That's what his class was about after all....facing your fears by using writing as a type of therapy.  Each week we wrote short memoirs about experiences in our lives and there were so many skeletons released in that small class, but I was not a past dweller and didn't want to go there.  So I just listened to the other students' stories about drug addictions, miscarraiges, eating disorders, and death.  I also remembered that book.  And now, I am able to relate to it a little more literally.  For the past two years, I've had cysts growing on my left eyelid.  My doctor kept saying I just have a problem with styes and they could eventually go away, which might take a while, and he didn't want to do surgery if it wasn't necessary.  Then, on the last visit, he told me that if they didn't go away by the next appointment (in 2 weeks), he might have to cut a piece of my eyelid, and things would not turn out the way I hoped.  My eyelid would be permanently scarred.  This made me think of the book because I've already felt insecure about my face and have been nervous when people stare at me with sympathetic expressions and ask what happened to my eye.  It's not even that noticeable right now (the people who ask me questions are usually standing super close, which I hate), but who knows what it will be like after the next appointment.  Lucy Grealy felt like the entire world was always staring at her and would purposely avoid people, but when she was alone, she was very aware of her lonliness.  I don't think that's a skeleton I'm ready to hang in my closet.


Thought of the Day: Sometimes there are minor issues that we try not to think about, but they will continue to bother you until they reach a point where you have to address them.